Hollywood, CA – 2/7/2020 – Megastars Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are reuniting to recreate the Democrats’ Iowa caucuses disaster on the big screen.
Not only that, but famed Director James Cameron has agreed to oversee the project.
If this trio sounds familiar, it’s because the last time they joined forces was for Titanic, a film that many movie buffs consider among the top motion pictures of the 20th Century.
“I love a good disaster,” said Cameron from his home in the Hollywood hills. “And the Democrats’ Iowa caucus debacle makes the sinking of the Titanic look like a child’s birthday party.”
For those unfamiliar, Iowa’s Democratic Party is still unable to declare a winner from Monday’s caucus vote. No one knows what, or whom, is to blame, but it’s likely a mixture of incompetence, a failed app, and good ole Democratic vote rigging.
“I was signed on to do a film about the meteor that killed the dinosaurs,” said DiCaprio from his yacht off of Cyprus, “but that pales in comparison to the carnage occurring in Iowa. Besides, it’s clear after this crooked shitshow that Democrats are basically giant, bloodthirsty lizards so I don’t have to do any additional research.”
As of Thursday the winner was still up in the air, with the Sanders and Biden campaigns suggesting malfeasance on the part of their own party. At last count thousands were dead or ill and reports suggest Des Moines is now a smoldering heap of burning buildings and carcasses, with packs of wild dogs seemingly the dominant species.
Perhaps Winslet put it best: “It will be great to reunite with Leo and James, but more importantly this tragedy must be documented. These assholes want to run our healthcare! Can you imagine? I’d rather go on a date with Harvey Weinstein.”
Editor’s note: It’s still unclear if Celine Dion will sign on for the soundtrack.